No Anger = No Intimacy
Every woman wants a passionate relationship. She wants the man of their dreams to think of her constantly and find her so captivating that he’ll do whatever it takes to make her happy. I’m not discouraging this dream, but I often ask women how badly they want such a relationship.
When they tell me that they have never wanted anything so badly, then I know they are ready to here this: If you really want a relationship that is intimate, then there’s a secret that most “experts” won’t tell you about. The missing ingredient that most couples never realize is that…
Conflict is an important part of a passionate relationship.
Does this surprise you or leave you in a state of disbelief? I’m not talking about violence or abuse, don’t get me wrong. Anger is a feeling. It’s what happens when your heart (your emotions) feels that someone is hurting you, whether they intend to or not.
This is different from “having a temper,” which means they overreact when they are angry. An example of this would be a man who hits a woman and says he does so simply because he is angry. This is just plain wrong.
You Must Feel Safe For Intimacy
Whether you’re dating a wonderful man or you’re married to your soul mate, your relationship will become even more fulfilling when you both feel safe enough to express your anger without them hurting you in return.
How could your partner hurt you? He could leave you. He could embarrass you in public or ignore you for days. It’s great and wonderful to have a man who thinks you’re beautiful. However, what I want for you is a man who won’t punish you when you’re not at your best. When he does something that upsets you and you are willing to confront him on it, he’ll talk the issue out with you.
When you experience the freedom of knowing that you don’t have to be perfect for a man to love you, something inside of you will begin to feel safe and secure.
Even though he’s promised you that he loves you no matter what, it’s what he does in the heat of the moment (and after) that really matters. If he truly loves and cares for you, he’ll still want to be with you even when you’re angry with him.
There’s one little catch. You have to be willing to express your anger and allow him to express his to you. I won’t lie and tell you that it’s easy. It’s uncomfortable and scary at times. In fact, if you do it correctly it will most likely make you fearful, but I promise it’s worth it.
It may seem like common sense that a good relationship will be without conflict and fighting. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. Women who understand that there can be no intimacy without anger realize that avoiding conflict is the fastest way to make a relationship boring.
Picture yourself in a relationship where you will go to all lengths to make things smooth and trouble-free. You start avoiding certain topics and situations because you don’t know what he’s thinking.
You feel that you can’t tell him what’s on your heart. You’re not fighting, but the relationship begins a slow death. Your beliefs, feelings, and passions are all bottled up inside and this doesn’t do anything to promote happiness and well-being.
Whether you’re in a relationship or not, you can have the relationship you want.
To Keep Him You’ll Need To Be Vulnerable
Getting the right guy is only one part of the equation. You have to be willing to be vulnerable with a man in order to keep the passion alive. The most vulnerable thing for most women is to share with your man when you’re upset in a safe and respectful manner.
Believe it or not, he’ll bond with you through conflict just as much as he will during romantic outings and adventures. If you can trust your partner openly and fully, you’ll be happier than you ever imagined possible and your relationship will be far from boring.
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